Oh the Places You'll Go!!! (Well, maybe.)

There are a lot of places I want to go to: India (my spiritual home), Equador (just because -- although I know nothing about the place -- it seems so inviting. I hate cold weather, and Equador wants everyone to know that they are on the Equator; they even named their country after that wonderful imaginary line) The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, Fenway Park in Boston, Wrigley Field in Chicago, Mexico, Japan, the Emerald City of Oz, Metropolis, Illinois (for the annual Superman Festival) , Gilroy California (for the Garlic Festival) San Diego for the biggest baddest comic convention of all. I want to go to a nudist camp and let it all hang out for a while. I want to go to Mount Airy, North Carolina (cuz it's as close as one can get to Mayberry) and to Belize (which is my wife's dream but it sounds good to me too.) I've just recently added Denmark to the list (if it's ever warm in Denmark) cuz militant Muslims are boycotting Danish goods and services in a fit of pique over some cartoons defaming the prophet Muhammad, and as much as those guys love Muhammad I love free speech, so I'm drinking Tuborg beer and eating imported Danish Havarti cheese.
There are lots more places I want to go to, but probably none more than I want to go to
Stamford, Connecticut.
That's right: Connecticut. For the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament held every year there in March. I've wanted to go for years, planned to go, even paid my 185 dollar registration fee and reserved a room at the Stamford Marriott, but --
But it's in Connecticut. In March. And by the time March rolls around I am so sick of winter and cold weather that I am unable to force my body to go northward. And so every year we wind up going to Florida instead. (Last year in Florida I caught pnuemonia, which is ironic, I guess, in an extremely unfunny kind of way.) This year I was determined to make it, even if I had to drive through a dozen blizzards to get there. But once again the tournament will have to go on without me. I will be in -- where else? -- Florida, celebrating my mother's 70th birthday. And it should be fun, all the family there in the Ocala sunshine, but
I just hope I get to Stamford before I die.